*Note: this post is a condensed version of the Coming Out Gold Podcast Episode 44 found here.

My hope with this series is to help us make room in our lives for growth, determine how we want our lives to look, and then eliminate anything that doesn’t align with the vision we create.

Hello lovie! I am so excited we are back together for our third and final post in our series on daily rhythms. In case you missed them, let me give them a quick recap.

In part one we focused on editing your life. My challenge to you was to schedule an appointment with yourself and start looking around your environment with fresh eyes. I asked you to decide where you can downsize, what you can donate, and how you can delete things to make room for growth in this next season.

In part two we focused on editing your calendar through the lens of awareness, intention, and vision so you could map a plan for your week that leaves you feeling satisfied and proud of who you are and how you moved through your days.

My hope for this series is to make room in your life for growth, determine how you want your life to look, and then eliminate anything that doesn’t align with the vision you create.


Today we are going to take down the pain points in our life so we can lower friction in our daily life. This will allow us to create more ease and peace. To know what to change, we have to know what is broken. We will do this by using a three-step process where we will evaluate, examine, and eliminate. If you want these pain points to go away, you have to be willing to do something different so be ready to roll up your sleeves and get to work.

There is a lot in our world that makes life hard. Some of us have real battles we are facing. Some of us are carrying mammoth size burdens.
And also, some of us have pain points in our lives because we haven’t stopped long enough to deal with something.




In one of my favorite Christmas movies, there is a huge wreath hanging on the front door of the main character’s house. Every time they open and close the door the wreath falls on the ground. No matter who is with the main character at the time they tell the lead they think her wreath is too big. Each time though she insists she just needs a bigger hook.

It is a pain point she is aware of, faces constantly, and still does nothing.
I don’t know about you but I definitely face issues like this in my own life. I know there is a thorn in my side making me annoyed and yet I never slow down long enough to resolve the problem. Please tell me you know what I am talking about!?!?!




I have this quote on my desk that reads: “Before you try to increase your willpower, try to decrease the friction in your environment.” So let’s do it! Let’s decrease the friction in our lives so we can end overwhelm, create margin, and craft a life we love.

Our first step in this process is to evaluate. We need to determine the significance or condition of pain points in our lives. In this step, we are simply looking for the existence of pain points. This is a process of becoming aware of any place we feel friction. Please note, though that the outcome of what you experience as friction will vary by person. There is no one-size-fits-all in this process because what causes you pain may not cause me pain and vice versa.

Now, if you have been here for a minute then you know I easily confess that I can complicate toast. We aren’t going to do that today. We are going to focus on keeping it simple. Look for areas in your life where you experience angst, annoyance, or frustration.

Step one is to evaluate.
For step two we will examine.




Examine is defined by Google as inspect (someone or something) in detail to determine their nature or condition. Another definition is to investigate thoroughly. In this step, we dig deeper, ask hard questions, and create space to tell the truth about why we are aware of pain points and also let them continue to be thorns in our sides.

We have to be honest. Some pain points exist in our life because we have decided the friction they cause is less than the work it will take us to address it. This is especially true in areas where our emotions are involved.




Think about this example: Let’s say a family member passed away and left you all their positions. You are grief-stricken by their loss so you pull your car out of your garage and fill the garage with their belongings. This means you must park your car outside in the elements.

When it rains, you get soaked getting in and out of your car. When it snows, you have to allow extra time to scrape your car, warm it up, and get ready to leave. You may get wet and cold and a bit cranky. But you are choosing to endure all that friction because the pain of digging thru the boxes and deciding what to keep and what to let go of in your loved one’s belonging feels too overwhelming.

Life is a tradeoff. We all know that. So we must be willing to evaluate with raw honesty the areas in our life that regularly cause us pain.

Step one: evaluate our life looking for pain points.

Step two: examine those areas to see why they exist and what we are willing to change.





In our final step, we will take action. We will begin to eliminate these points of friction by getting down to the root. As James Clear says “Remove the branches of a thorn bush today and you’ll avoid a scrape this year. But next year, you’ll face the same problem again. Remove the root of the bush today, and the entire plant will die. Are you solving problems at the branch level or the root level?”

We are going to solve our pain points by pulling them up from the root.

Let’s go back to the earlier example of having a garage full of the belongings of someone you loved. We are aware they exist. We are aware of why we are avoiding them and we are also aware of why we are refusing to face them. And yet, our current life is being negatively impacted by us not addressing them.




This may sound harsh but hear my heart here. Whether you address these items or not, your loved one is gone. The grief you feel is very real and your heart is broken. You have loved and lost someone of great value. Refusing to go thru their belongings won’t change the hole in your life their exit has left. But choosing to face the items, go thru the boxes, make decisions on what to keep, what to store, and what to let go of WILL make a difference in your life.

In direct relation to the pain point of not being able to use our garage as intended, facing this eliminates it. There is a swift and automatic pay-off. Again, this may seem harsh but it is true. Clearing your garage of items allows you to park your car in it so you no longer have to face the weather elements. It is an immediate payoff.

But also, going through the things offers the opportunity to recall beautiful memories and learn new things about a person you loved. It allows you to choose items to give a place of honor to so that every day you see them your soul fills with love. Instead of the overwhelm you feel at tackling a full garage, you will find peace and joy in knowing you have kept and honored what you most value. That is beautiful and I would imagine what most of our loved ones intended when they trusted us with their belongings.





Now all pain points aren’t a result of something as heavy as this. Sometimes they can be as simple as having the wrong size hook for a wreath so it falls off every time you open the door. It could be that you have items stored on a high shelf that you use often so you get annoyed at having to climb up and down to get them. No annoyance is too small or silly if it causes you angst.

Stop, look around evaluate areas where friction points exist. Examine them on deeper levels to see the root cause of them. And then find simple, effective ways to eliminate them.

If you want more ease in your life, you have to be willing to do something different. By walking through this process of examining, evaluating, and eliminating, we gain the knowledge needed to resolve the challenges we face. This creates ease in or days. And when your daily life is filled with ease, you have the margin and resources needed to dream. And I want you to dream.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: You deserve to live a beautiful story. No matter what you have experienced, no matter where you are today, and no matter the resources of time and money you have, you can craft a vision for better days ahead. Do some journaling to sort out what you want life to look at. Allow your mind to dream of what could be without dismissing any part of it based on your current situation.
Dive down a hole on Pinterest and create a board for each area of your life. Focus on the possibilities and refuse the voice of any limitations.




I hope you have edited your life and the areas in which you live it to create margin in your space. Then I hope you have edited your calendar to create margin in your time. Finally, I hope you have edited the pain points in your life to create margin for ease and joy.

As we wrap this series, I hope you’ve learned tips that helped you make room in your life for growth, determine how you want your life to look, and then eliminate anything that doesn’t align with the vision you create.

Now go get it. The life of your dreams is waiting for you to take hold and start living it.


Until next time, remember, I am in it WITH you, always,

Coach Tammy