TOOLS, RESOURCES, AND CONTENT

TO HELP YOU DO YOUR WORK

AND LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE

In 2009 I was returning home from Wednesday night church like a good Jesus girl where I had been taking a class on marriage. I pulled into the garage at our family home and entered our living room. The first thing I saw was my husband standing with his packed bags telling me he was leaving. The oxygen left the room. In an instant, my 20-year marriage was done and I found myself tossed into a tsunami of grief I thought I would not survive. I mean, this was not part of my plan and I am a planner so you better believe I had a plan. I had mapped out all our years and nowhere was this wahala part of my narrative. So when I speak to you about walking through fire, trust that I am speaking from some smoke-filled experience.

Isn’t it funny though how the seasons that reek of loss and where everywhere we look we only see closed doors? The truth is these are often the swinging door moments when we have a life-changing choice to make. We can walk through the door into the unknown or we can stay frozen in the loss. It is in this moment when we gather our broken hearts and step through that door that perhaps we discover we were born for such a time as this. Because this is the moment we begin our redemption story.

May I ask you a question? Have you ever had the rug just pulled out from under you in a way you didn’t expect? Maybe it was a relationship ending, or a job loss, or an unexpected illness. Honestly, I don’t know that anyone gets through the journey on this crazy planet we call earth without experiencing this kind of moment. But what I have learned in my journey through the fire is who I am. Really. Down beneath the pain and wounds and circumstances I have walked through. As I emerged from the fire what I have learned – and continue to learn – is who I was created to be before the world told me who I should be.

I know for me the death of my marriage created a lot of space and time to pull back the lens and see the path that brought me to that moment. One of the biggest game-changers was learning that as women in this world we all get handed a sack full of expectations and we plan our lives around them. Some come from well-meaning people. Others from the media. Studies show these messages come at us every three seconds. I believe that many of these are so normalized we don’t recognize how deeply they weigh us down. Think about these examples to see if you have heard them before:
You “should“ go to college.
You “should” get a high-paying job so you can drive the “right” car and buy the “right” house in the “right” neighborhood.
You “should” get married and he “should” be a knight in shining armor.
You “should” be a mother.
You “should” keep a clean house. You know, bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and then clean up the mess left behind.
You “should” be ready and able to help whenever someone needs it, no matter what is on your plate.

As my eyes became open to the damage living a life built on someone else’s expectations and dreams create, a passion began to burn inside me to help women step free from these lies. To help women stop playing small to do what “they” say we “should” – whoever “they” are. And honestly, this is the main reason I created my podcast Coming Out Gold as an offspring to my business RS Coach and Strategist. I want every single woman on this planet to stop being “should” on, to stop living a life built on someone else’s dreams. I want women to wake up every day full of energy and excitement to bring their unique gifts to the table instead of spending their days simply trying to survive or being okay with “good enough”.

My goal is to shine a light on your greatness so you can define who you are and what you want. This is about getting clear on your most authentic identity because when you know who you were created to be, you know what to do. And once you know this, there is no stopping you! I want you to feel your soul spark to life with a desire to do something with your unique gifts. This is about finding your purpose, about being a change-maker, solving problems, and choosing to build your life in the way you want it to look. And once you know this, the fun part happens. We will get busy making a plan so we all get there together.

I firmly believe that no matter the size or weight of your story or life experiences, you are worthy of living a life overflowing with purpose and passion. An abundant life that is so much better than “good enough” or “fine”.

My podcast and coaching program exist in part to establish a community of women with a shared purpose of listening to, caring for, and celebrating other women. There is no judgment or competition here. I pray this is a safe place for you to come home to the amazing woman you were designed to be. It matters so much to this generation and the ones to follow.

You deserve to establish your own core values through which you make choices. You deserve to decide how you will spend every single day of your one beautiful life. And whatever you decide is right for you, you have the authority and agency to chase it with every ounce of heart inside you. And I will be here to encourage you, to challenge some old thought patterns that aren’t serving you, to hold space for you to dream your own dreams. Bless, but too many women have forgotten how to dream big.

Just know I’m not here to hype you up or put a smile on your face though I hope to do both. What I am here for is to empower you to transform your life and, if you have one or want to start one, your business. I am here to help you see the incredible magic within you so you can use it to bring your gifts to the table in whatever way that looks right for you. I hope to offer new perspectives and give you tactical tools you can start implementing right away to write a better story regardless of what season you are in today. And because I know we all have roadblocks in our way that try to keep us small, we are going to push past the resistance, blow up those roadblocks and get them out of your way.

I am going to challenge you in love and ask you to be accountable for taking small steps towards becoming the woman you deserve to be. The one you were created to be. I will provide tools that when implemented will bring you transformation. And while that is the motivating factor driving the discussions here, it has to be fun and real so expect to feel some feelings and laugh plenty along the way.

I can’t begin to list the countless changes I have walked through since that Wednesday night in 2009. There aren’t enough minutes left in life to get through them…I don’t wish divorce on my worst enemy. But what I know that I know that I know is I wouldn’t have found freedom without that rug of expectations being yanked out from under me. And I will never be sorry for that because it is the road that led me home to myself where I experienced peace for the very first time in my life. I believe it was the first step on my road home to myself.

I wish so dearly I was sitting across the table from you at the local coffee shop sipping my coconut milk mocha while you sip on whatever it is that blows up your skirt so I could look you right in the eyes and tell you about the greatness that is within you. I would love to hear your story and see what lights up your eyes because that is where the magic always is. But since we are living in a virtual world these days I hope these weekly posts will serve as our virtual coffee date. Oh, and comment below so we can get the conversation going! 

In all fairness for what is to come, let me warn you I will always leave you with a challenge because growing and becoming more fully ourselves, well, it takes work. Know there may be times I push you in uncomfortable ways. Please trust it comes from a place of love and out of a deep desire to see you on fire for pursuing what matters most to you.

So today, I challenge you to live with your eyes wide open this next week. Every time you choose to do something, stop and ask yourself if it is something the woman you are becoming really needs to do. The goal here is to help you see areas where you are doing what “they” say you “should” instead of deciding if you need or even want to. (Side note: Let’s just be real… there are some things we all have to do to get through life…like laundry because we all need clean undies! #adulting) I am not talking about those things. I am talking about the countless others that end up on your to-do list.

You don’t have to change anything today. This is simply about having an awareness so you can begin to drop into your own story with a new set of eyes. If you are a paper and pen girl like me, you may find it helpful to keep a journal or maybe make a note on your phone so you can keep a list of where you spot the “shoulds” in your life. I learned from good old Dr. Phil you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. Spotting these places is the first step towards living your dream life. So even if your knees are knocking and your hands are sweating, let the idea that you were born for more than living someone else’s “should” settle deep in your bones. Let it breathe to life the embers of greatness you hold within you. Because once we all commit to this journey, we can start a movement where women rise together and change this world. We need each other. And this world needs the gifts we bring.

Until next time, remember, I am in it WITH you,
Coach Tammy