TOOLS, RESOURCES, AND CONTENT
TO HELP YOU DO YOUR WORK
AND LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE
WHAT IS COMMUNITY AND HOW DO YOU BUILD IT?
*Note: this post is a condensed version of the Coming Out Gold Podcast Episode 2 found here.
Welcome back to the RS Blog. Let’s start with a quick review of the action we took last week. I asked you to be aware of the choices you were making to see if they were because you genuinely wanted to do them or if they were rooted in that nasty “s” word “should”. I hope you found a plethora of tasks aligned with who you are becoming and what you want out of life. I also hope you spotted places where you were doing things because someone told you they should be done. Now you can begin the process of digging up all the “should” planted in your life from others’ expectations and cultural norms and start choosing tasks that YOU want to do. Now let’s chat about community.
DEFINING COMMUNITY
My podcast and coaching program are for women who have walked through fire and are ready to come out gold. In my opinion, that happens best in community…you know, the whole “it takes a village” thing, so today we’re going to dive into all things community.
Donald Miller is the author of one of my top five books of all time, Scary Close, among many others. Recently he and his wife Betsy had a precious baby girl, Emmeline. The other day on Instagram he posted a picture of her fresh from a bath with her little hoodie towel and he shared his simple nightly prayer for his daughter: that she would have the wisdom to choose good friends and the ambition to create community. Man oh man… that one hit me dead in the heart because I think it should be what each of us is hoping and praying for – for ourselves and for all the people we love because the truth is: with a supportive, encouraging community there’s nothing we can’t do.
May I ask where you are in terms of community? Personally, I am desperate for community. I am so tired of waiting for things to return to “normal” I’ve decided to follow Donald Miller’s advice and get ambitious about cultivating a community of my own with like-minded women. I want to stand should-to-shoulder with other women who are tired of playing small and are ready to start living into the full power and awesomeness of who they were created to be…women done with living a life built on the “shoulds” of others.
I looked up the definition of community and found this” “Community is a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.” We need to understand healthy community doesn’t require sameness. It involves choosing to see commonalities more than we focus on differences.
I am desperate to build a community of women willing to bring their brokenness and their mess instead of presenting a bunch of filtered, photo-shopped images to the world. I long to lock arms with other women who will fight FOR their sisters…a safe space for women of all shapes, sizes, skin tones, backgrounds, and cultures where we can each take our place at the table knowing there is room for everyone.
And so here I am tossing my hat in the ring to create what it is I long to come upon, what my soul longs to experience. And I hope you will join me in this because I can’t do it on my own. I heard someone say the other day that community is about getting into the ocean with people who won’t let you drown and that, my friend, will certainly be the kind of space I hope we create together.
So how are we going to do this? I’m so glad you asked…
ROADBLOCKS TO HEALTHY COMMUNITY
Richard Rohr said, “unity is diversity maintained and protected by love.” So we start with setting a table where all are welcome and then we promise to protect it fiercely. We lead with love and pour grace on the table. We meet people where they are and we help one another get to a better place. We call out beauty in our sister and celebrate one another’s wins. We never compete because the truth is, when she wins, we all win. And let’s decide in advance to always assume the best of people because the truth is most people are doing the best with what they have and what they know.
Now, let’s talk about a major roadblock to creating a healthy community: binary thinking. Our brains are designed to keep us alive, assess for danger, and ensure we are safe. With binary thinking we draw lines in the sand – think yes or no, right or wrong, good or bad, red or blue. Complex topics are whittled down to an either/or choice. Sure, this helps us feel a sense of certainty and can be comforting at times, but it limits us. I would go as far as to say it handicaps us. Glory, but most of life is lived in the grey in between, and healthy, thriving communities provide safe places for people to come, to be seen, and heard, and respected even when they look, and sound, and believe differently.
HOW TO BUILD COMMUNITY
As for our community here, let’s welcome all who wish to enter with open hearts and open minds. Let’s build something new where we champion, cheer for and challenge other women with respect and honor.
We have all walked through different fires in our lives and, as a result, have countless lessons we can share to bring healing and insight to others. We can do so with an integrity that helps us all rise from the ashes and live wildly wonderful stories. Join me in this by connecting on Instagram and Facebook. There we will have conversations about a wide variety of topics designed to make us better. We are sure to have fun as well and get into some mischief, too, because life’s too short to be dull, right?!?!
To thank you for being here today as we chatted about community, I created a pdf for you to download and is linked down below. It is probably my favorite quote of all time and one I base much of my life on from the incredible Audrey Hepburn. I hope it will serve as a reminder of what we can build together. You can download it at the link below.
And for your action step this week, take time to define what a healthy community looks like for you. Then you will know what you need to bring to the table when building it.
Until next week, remember, I am Coach Tammy, and I am in it WITH you, always. Talk to you soon, Lovie!