*Note: this post is a condensed version of the Coming Out Gold Podcast Episode 9 found here.

Welcome back to this week’s blog post!

Last week we chatted about alignment and integrity. It was the final piece of the puzzle to help us move away from “should” and towards the life of our dreams. Using awareness and our active core values along with some clarifying questions, we can ensure we are women who live lives we dream of by taking steps in that direction every day. And remember, even imperfect baby steps in the right direction still count as progress. Seriously, this is true in every area so pour some grace on the table for yourself!

Today we are tackling a lie that has been unknowingly controlling the lives of many women, and this is the belief that we need permission to transform our lives.


I believe we are all women who want to be in love with the lives we are living because we know they matter. I believe we want our days to be fueled by passion and purpose NOT obligations and expectations. For many of us, we have long believed a lie that we are stuck and can’t make changes. Some of us have plates so full it can feel like there is no time to consider taking a new path. And some have been assigned an identity that keeps us paralyzed regardless of if it’s true or not. No matter the origin, this label can become a weight that keeps us from moving forward.

Many of the women I have worked with over the years have struggled to believe they can set aside the time and energy needed to pour into their dreams. As women, we’re trained that focusing on our needs is selfish, and I am here to throw a flag on that. Taking care of ourselves makes us better prepared to care for those we love, our work, and all other aspects of our lives. For several years – well, if I am being honest, for most of my life – I believed I didn’t have enough margin in my life to spend energy, time, or resources chasing dreams of my own. Whenever I made a move to do so, the guilt monster would come roaring in, and I would back away. But after doing a lot of work, I realized I MUST take ownership over how my story unfolds even as I navigate circumstances beyond my control. And this means I have to stop apologizing for taking up space in this world. Does this feel familiar to you?

I think it is time we all started giving ourselves permission to change, evolve, and do a new thing even if it doesn’t make sense to those around us…to become the women we want to be so we can show up in the world in a way that aligns with our values and what matters most to us. And I think it is time we made sure those in our lives give themselves permission to do the same.




Did you know that permission slips were designed for minors or people unable to make competent decisions legally? They weren’t designed to be needed by grown women. In its traditional sense, permission slips have been a stamp of approval from the person in authority, allowing us to go somewhere and do something. They were required because we lacked the legal authority and agency to give consent.

Think about it: Who are you asking to sign your permission slip so you can do what it is you want to do? And why on earth do they hold authority over you in that way? I am serious. This is a question you need to be asking yourself every single time you hesitate to do something you want to do. And because this is rooted in needing approval from someone, I would challenge you to remember that no one else has to understand the vision you have for your life. Only you know what is best for you. And no matter how important the other person is to you, they can’t understand everything you do because they aren’t inside your head.




Instead of thinking of permission slips traditionally, I want to offer a new lens for the idea of you needing permission. What if, moving forward, the concept of permission meant unapologetic action? If we implement what we have learned here, we know that awareness plus alignment leads to integrity. If we define and live by a set of active core values, they are the guiding force behind making aligned decisions to ensure we live in integrity. See, our journey is so much bigger than us, and we are all meant to leave this world a better place than we found it. But that begins by us making choices aligned with what we value. If we are moving through life using these steps to filter our decisions, then there is no room for us to need permission from someone else. We can simply take confident, unapologetic action in the direction of our dreams because we know that they are right for us. And isn’t that a much better way to live?

Please hear me when I say I understand the dialogue that pops up when we are deciding to make changes, do a new thing, or take a new path. The conversation, the feelings, the doubts, the mental warfare….they are valid for the pattern you have walked out so far. But we can do a new thing by utilizing this system for decision making and creating a clear vision for the life we want to lead. Let’s talk about how to do that. You know I am always about creating a simple, tactical plan to move us forward, and today is no different. And like usual, I will be sure to link a free cheat sheet down below in the show notes.




Like always, step one in this process is rooted in awareness – particularly around the lies we have told ourselves for far too long. Let’s call this our lie list. You will start by making a list of any areas where you feel stuck in your life. These could be roles you have played too long, responsibilities you carry that frankly might not be yours, or even a job that is sucking the life out of you! Now list any labels you know control parts of your decision-making. (Most of us have some “too much” and “not enough” labels bouncing around our brains that keep us from stepping onto a new path!) Next, spend some time thinking of past moments when you didn’t move forward as you wanted to and what stopped you. And then list the times you find yourself apologizing out of habit not because you needed to do so. Be sure to add anything else you become aware of during this exercise so you can address it as we move through this process.

I am going to be upfront with you. This next step might be a challenge for some. You might have to sit with it for a while, and that is totally OKAY. In step two, we begin to speak truth to the lies. We take our awareness, and we align it with our values. Next to each item on your lie list, I want you to counter it with truth as if you’re living by your active core values. Tell yourself the truth because you deserve to make changes that bring more joy and fulfillment to your life. Just a few examples of this could be:

Lie: I am stuck in this job because I am not qualified for a better position.
Truth: I bring a lot to the table and could add value to any company.

Lie: To be a good mom, I must sign up for every volunteer opportunity to serve at my child’s school.
Truth: I am a great mom when I set an example of service while also ensuring I nurture my soul and pursue my dreams.

Lie: I am a failure and cannot change the path I am on.
Truth: I am who I decide to be and will create a narrative for my life that makes me proud of the woman I am becoming.

See how this works? We turn the lie on its head by reframing it in a way that is rooted in truth instead of perception. This one could take practice because you have done life the other way for quite some time but persist in doing it and the truth will become your go-to. Then you will naturally start taking unapologetic action!




And speaking of practice, the final step in this process is to tell yourself you have permission. When you do your morning routine, write or say out loud one thing you are giving yourself permission to do that day. Seriously, we have an old narrative that leads to inaction, and we must create a new one that leads to unapologetic action! Too many of us get lost in the conversation we have before we are even required to take a step, so start your day by permitting yourself to do what you need to do. It could be as simple as giving yourself permission to rest, have fun, drink a second cup of coffee, plan a trip, or try something new. Use your growing awareness to find areas holding you back, and then permit yourself to transform in those areas by aligning them with what matters to you. 

Because we can get in our head during this process, let me remind you of a few things, Lovie:

  • You can create a life you want to live and decide how your story unfolds
  • You can own your agency and learn to master your energy and time
  • You can live your days with purpose and stop apologizing for having big dreams
  • You can set an example for others to follow
  • You can set goals and carve out the space needed to reach them
  • You can take unapologetic action towards becoming the woman you long to be

I mean this, Lovie, so step out of expectation and into expansion because when transformation transpires, it inspires. Show those around you that you are transforming your life and rising to the next level, and you will inspire others to do the same. You don’t have to keep living small or remain feeling stuck in less than you deserve, and you most certainly do not have to let the expectations of others determine your path. 

In the days ahead, I challenge you to use your awareness to identify areas where fear or lies have kept you feeling stuck. Flip those places on their head by aligning them with who you are becoming: a woman who is giving herself permission to transform so you can chase your dreams with passion and purpose. Your life is meant to be lived, but enjoying it and making it amazing, well, that is totally up to you. Your transformation is waiting on the other side of your unapologetic action so let’s get moving! 

Until next week, remember, I am Coach Tammy and I am in with you, ALWAYS!


Today we put together the pieces because awareness plus alignment equals integrity.  We will use our active core values, self-awareness system and a set of questions to ensure what we do aligns with what we say matters.  Use this tool to guide the choices you make and the tasks you add to your calendar and watch your life begin to reflect what matters most to you.