TOOLS, RESOURCES, AND CONTENT
TO HELP YOU DO YOUR WORK
AND LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE
How to Create Active Core Values
*Note: this post is a condensed version of the Coming Out Gold Podcast Episode 3 found here.
Today we are talking about core values, and when we wrap, I will provide you with a free mini-course to help you determine your own. Before we jump in let’s review last week’s challenge. I asked you to define what a healthy community looks like for you so you could determine what you had, what was missing, and what you need to bring to the table when building one of your own. I wish you could talk back to tell me what you learned because I want to hear what you discovered. Feel free to shoot me a DM on Instagram to let me know, and we can chat there. Now, let’s dive into today’s subject: Core Values
What are core values?
Imagine with me you are watching a scene from a movie. There is a bride who is standing in the middle of a bridal salon. Racks of dresses line the walls around her as far as the eye can see. The sales lady is holding up all kinds of gowns for the bride’s opinion. The mother-of-the-bride is pulling every dress she can find that matches the ideal she has for her daughter’s big day. The bridesmaids are pulling gowns for the bride they would want to wear. It is a chaotic scene of satin and lace and voices clamoring for her attention. The noise intensifies. The bride’s face changes. You can see the panic, confusion, and overwhelm kick in. The sound in her ears changes to that of a swarm of bees. Instantly she covers her ears and runs out of the store screaming. Can you imagine that? Her vision got hijacked, her voice lost.
When I started coaching, I focused on helping women find their true identity and determine their unique purpose. Because of this focus, we spent a lot of time digging out from under the piles of “should”. You know, the long list of expectations loved ones, society, and the media hand women. Once we removed those, they started to see a path forward built on what mattered to them. In that clearing, I could walk them through the exercise of choosing active core values.
Just so we are all on the same page, let me define the term “core values” as I use them: Core values are the fundamental belief of a person or organization. They are guiding principles used to make choices in life and business. I consider them a filter for all decision-making. They help clarify who we are. And when you know who you are, knowing what to do is much simpler.
Changing the narrative
In many cultures, individuals operate from a have-do-be system. For example, we want to HAVE a home in the country club neighborhood overlooking the golf course. Therefore we must DO something to make enough money to lock that down. Then we will BE a person who rubs elbows with those at the golf course country club. Have – do – be.
I believe we have to flip that on its head by setting a new pattern where we be – do – have. You choose who you want to BE and how you want to show up in the world. Then you know what you can DO to fulfill your purpose and meet your goals. Finally, you will HAVE a deep satisfaction because your life is in alignment and integrity with what you say matters.
In today’s world, the images often presented don’t always depict reality. The lawn might be perfectly manicured, and the house might be in the right neighborhood, but this in no way guarantees the people behind the front door are happy with who they are and what they are doing. Many are on a hamster wheel of hustle to keep the lights on and the filtered personas in place.
I know this is generalizing a bit, but from the number of women I have spoken with, this identity struggle typically creates overwhelm in their lives. If 2020 revealed anything, it revealed the weight women carry when running their business, household, and family lives.
So how do we change this – beyond setting fire to the patriarchal system most of us still operate in that is? I believe we can do this by living in alignment with active core values. To do this, choose 3-5 fundamental values and add a verb to them. The verb is a game-changer and helps build the momentum needed to move you from where you are to where you want to be. In addition, it provides a filter by which you ensure every choice you make matches up to who you are becoming and the life you are building.
adding action to our values
If you are anything like me then you have taken your fair share of classes on goal setting. But the one I took with Donald Miller, where he taught me how to create a life plan by starting with your obituary and working backward from there, is what planted the seeds of this in my mind. Trust me, when you write your obituary full of what you accomplished and how you impacted the people in your circle, it hits a nerve that there is work to be done. At least it did for me.
As I worked through the exercise, I realized some common themes kept appearing. They seemed to be foundational pillars in my life. For me, though, there was a disconnect between what I wanted and what I was doing. The words by themselves were simply ideals. Abstract concepts and aspirational character traits like honesty, fun, courage, adventure, respect. Since I am a person who wants to create a logical path from A to Z, I needed something to give them weight and make them real. And this is when I realized I could activate them by assigning them an action. Let me give you some examples by sharing my core values:
My core values are Community, Faith, Freedom, Peace, and Purpose Sure, these are great in theory but, if you are going to live by them, they need to motivate us to DO something. Take a look at the change after I applied action:
Cultivate community
Walk in faith
Fight for freedom
Guard my peace
Live my purpose on purpose
Let me give some context by expounding on two of them…
Walking out our values irl
Fight for freedom – For me, I rarely experienced freedom in the first half of my life. It is something that has taken intense battles to win because freedom isn’t always a given. It’s something we have to fight for on the reg – for ourselves, other women, and so many in the world. Personally, I believe the price I pay for my freedom is investing my resources in helping set others free.
Guard my peace – Peace on its own is something we see on greeting cards or say at the end of life. But when you add the action of guarding it, the game changes. And let me be clear, y’all, I do not play with this. It took me 45 years to experience it for the first time, and now I guard it like a mama bear watching over her cubs. Seriously, come for it and see if I don’t become like some super ninja to protect it.
Many of my clients have seen amazing transformations after creating and living by active core values. Because I am so passionate about others experiencing this, I have made a free mini-course for you. Seriously, there are no strings attached. This is just me providing you with a tool to start living life on your terms. There is a link below. When you click on it you will be asked to give your email address for me to send you the pdf course. Then you can follow these easy steps:
1. Print it off or you can grab a piece of scrap paper and save some trees.
2. Follow the directions on page 2.
3. Start practicing and reciting them several times a day. Repeating these until they are automatic will ensure you become the woman you want to be so you can live the life you want to live.
(Okay, a quick side note for my fellow over-achievers out there: DO NOT PICK MORE THAN FIVE. Trust me on this. And if you don’t see a value that matters to you on the list, write it in on the line marked “other”. The list is in no way exhaustive.)
Define your values, and you will begin to see areas of your life come into focus in ways you may never have imagined, so get ready for it!
Next week I will check in to see if you did the work, but honestly, I would love to know it before then. You can complete and take a pic of page 8 of the course and share it on your social media. Tag me so I can clap for you by sharing it on my page. And leave a comment below to let me know how it worked for you! I am so excited for you to do this. I have experienced the radical changes it has brought to my life and the lives of others who have done it. I know it will do the same for you!
Until next week, remember I am in it WITH you,
Coach Tammy
ACTIVE CORE VALUES MINI-COURSE
Because I am so passionate about others experiencing this, I have made a free mini-course for you. Seriously, there are no strings attached. This is just me providing you with a tool to start living life on your terms