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HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM YOUR ORIGIN STORY

*Note: this post is a condensed version of the Coming Out Gold Podcast Episode 33 found here.

Welcome back to the RS Blog. Today we are tackling the subject of origin stories and how they impact your life. Buckle up because this is sure to be a biggie!

BOULDERS IN YOUR BACKPACK

 

Have you ever read the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend? I read it over a decade ago, and it radically changed my life. One of the sections that have long stuck with me was a discussion on how we all wear backpacks full of boulders from different moments of our lives. Often though, there are boulders we carry that aren’t ours to carry. They could be some handed to us by others or could be things we took upon ourselves without even realizing it. Regardless of how they got into our backpacks, many can be traced back to our origin stories. Let’s unpack that now.

 

ORIGIN STORIES

 

According to Google, a clear definition of an origin story is: “a backstory, or established background narrative, that informs the identity and motivations of heroes and villains in a comic book or similar fictional work: The superhero’s origin story begins with a tragic accident that left him scarred, but also resulted in his supernatural powers.”

I confess despite being in a mastermind group of women called Wonder Women, I have zero interest in anything Marvel or superhero, but I am obsessed with storytelling. When we understand the backstory of a character or person, we often find connection points. By connecting, we can relate and empathize with what they experienced. Once we feel these emotions, we become cheerleaders because we want this person to find redemption for their story.

Though we do this while watching TV or movies we often fail to do this in real life. Today I hope to change that.

 

RISING FROM THE ASHES

 

Recently I have been speaking with different people about some new opportunities. During our conversations, I have become so clear and confident in communicating how things that were formerly survival skills used to navigate dysfunction and trauma have – through hard work and therapy – become my superpowers. This is what every character and person is looking to find…the redemption, the rising, the beauty that comes from the ashes we all inevitably face.

Too many women feel burdened by the weight of twisted mindsets often rooted in origin stories. It’s time for us to be women ready to drop some boulders out of our backpacks so we can stand tall and proud, certain of who we are and what we bring to the world. Aren’t you ready to drop the baggage and step into a new narrative, one where you are free to be yourself and chase your dreams instead of parroting the tired script that has held you prisoner far too long?

 

 

BROKEN MINDSETS

 

Broken mindsets have long held women captive. As I always say the sack of shoulds and expectations of others have further complicated that. We’ve been fed a steady diet of lies and half-truths, and we’ve believed them. It is wrong to spend your one beautiful life carrying the weight of broken mindsets, and I am desperate for us all to find freedom from them.

I have been blessed to work with women who put in the work to break free from old patterns, pathologies, and mindsets. They spent years being crushed by the weight of the boulders on their back. It was impossible to sustain lasting transformation because the broken mindset kept pulling them down.

 

MOVE YOUR FEET

 

I want to use dance as a visual. Have you seen a dancer who plants their feet and then somehow leans their body in ways that seem scientifically impossible? Their feet haven’t moved, and yet their body is suddenly parallel to the ground.

That’s how we often stay planted in our origin story. Even when we start to move our body or mind in another direction, we eventually snap back to the old story. This is because we failed to step out of agreement with what we decided was an immovable, fixed truth about ourselves and our worth.

We must stop believing we will always be the old version of ourselves and realize we can start making different choices. Moment by moment, day by day, year after year, until we realize our feet are no longer cemented in the old stories. Then we find ourselves moving toward our truest, most beautiful selves.

Our past will always be with us, but we don’t have to choose to be held prisoner by it.

 

MY JOURNEY TO FREEDOM

I came out of the womb carrying a backpack with mammoth size boulders. Being told in countless ways that my existence is a burden and surviving years of sexual abuse left my backpack filled with boulders the size of the Rocky Mountains.

Through a lot of work, I have broken old patterns and shifted mindsets. I’ve found a confidence I never knew was possible. Yes, there is more work to do. There is always more work to do, but I’m thankful for how far I have come. I am certain that if I could survive all I have and found my way to set down boulders I was never meant to carry, you can do the same.

If you have been with me for a while, then I am sure you have been practicing becoming alive in your story and growing awareness around areas of your life – especially those that cause some friction. And that means you are ready to work through the process of changing broken mindsets.

Take a deep breath and let’s do some work together.

 

LET'S DIVE IN

 

Step one should come as no surprise if you are a regular here: Awareness. You have to acknowledge the places where faulty mindsets exist in your life. In full transparency, the one I am currently working on is tied to lies I have believed about money. This scarcity mindset has held me prisoner all my life, and I am ready to break free. What are some places in your life broken where mindsets exist?

Step two is to make a plan. You have to put strategies into place to overcome the loops running on autopilot in your mind. If what you are doing isn’t working, then do as Amy Purdy says and do the opposite of it. What are three things you can do to break the pattern you have in this area?

Step three is centered on alignment. You have to keep your broken mindset on your radar to apply the strategies you create. Shifting and changing patterns are needed as you take baby steps towards breaking free. Put guardrails into place to ensure you stay on track.

If you will follow these steps and practice CPR (consistent, persistent, resilience), you will begin to break free of old origin stories until eventually you are running unencumbered by the old boulders.

 

THE PATH FORWARD

We must stop trying to escape life’s hardships and learn that walking through them is where we claim our freedom. When we untether ourselves from our origin stories, we can learn a new way of walking, living, and being.

Establishing new habits, rhythms, and pathologies requires us to stop holding hands with the old versions of ourselves. To paraphrase something I heard Jasmine Star say the other day, we can’t continue holding on to our baggage and expect to get through the door to our next level. We must be willing to undo the straps and drop the backpack full of boulders BEFORE moving through the door to our better selves.

Our skills, strengths, and talents are refined as we journey toward becoming, and we need them to be refined so we can do the work we were created to do. And please note: freedom and transformation aren’t one-and-done events. They are daily choices where we set down what holds us back and step toward a new way of being.

 

TO RECAP

 

Choose one broken mindset. Search for its origin story. And remember on our journey toward living our ideal lives as our best selves, comfort is not the choice. Transformation is.

Healing isn’t linear. Becoming the women we were created to be, transforming our lives to align with what we value…these aren’t linear journeys either. There will always be bumps in the road, setbacks, and twists and turns you didn’t anticipate. It is simply part of life.

 

YOU DESERVE TO LIVE FREE

Regardless of the size and weight of the boulders you carry, you deserve to become your best self and chase your dreams. Each of us deserves this, and the best news is it’s all possible if we’re willing to do the work.

Don’t keep marching around the same mountain feeling frustrated that you aren’t moving closer to the best version of yourself.  

Freedom is waiting on the other side of this journey. By understanding your origin story you can spot broken mindsets, accept responsibility for your life, and feel proud of the woman you are becoming.  

I don’t want you to simply see the possibilities in what could be for your life. I want you to know in the marrow of your bones that you are worth it, that you deserve to have these things. And most importantly, those wonderful, beautiful things are meant for you – the who you were yesterday, the who you are today, and the who you will be in the future.

 

Until next time, remember, I am in it WITH you, always,

Coach Tammy